I'm going to try and keep this portion of one short, but that might be unlikely. I've got to rant for a bit. I think the tension is going to rise high over the next few days. The formula of this thought is composed of one part realism, one part paranoia, and the remaining half comes from the fact that everyone is different. Personalities clash or coalesce, but sometimes albeit rarely (in my opinion) reach a feasible consensus in situations such as ours. We're all in a different country and we're dealing with it in our own ways. All of us have expectations from this place and this journey at large. I personally want to grow from all of this. Fun is fun and it can manifest itself in various ways. I like a little of everything. You can learn from any situation whether it be in the classroom or in the everyday. I'm not a tourist here, that's not what I want to be. I want to be part of the life here, if not for a small fraction of time. I want to learn about myself, this culture and those around me. I want to leave here knowing that I've built a foundation that's beneficial for both myself and those I've come into (and will) come into contact with in the future. I feel that lines have been established among us and I don't feel comfortable with that. Judgements..ill ones tend to be made when things like this arise. Personally, I don't have an outstanding problem with anyone I'm with here. Reservations? I've got them...Hell, We all do and that's the fact of the matter, but nothing so grave as to make me overtly hate. It's not worth it. I hope we can talk and keep things objective/constructive. I'm trying to keep things objective for my own good, but there comes a time where you got to let someone know what time it is. For my own benefit, to get things off my chest..I'm listing words and things that are beginning to grate on me: I'm not naming names but if you get mad by reading this, then you need to reevaluate your knowledge of self....besides I'd tell this stuff to the parties involved if they ever opened up the opportunity...believe that.
Clique(ishness)
Pretentious attitudes
Inability to held accountable.
English.
Lack of Spanish.
Inability to be forthcoming.
Backhandedness
Shallow thinking.
I'm lifting all of this bullshit up to whatever omnipotence exists in the vast expanse of well....existence. It won't go away, but at least I'll be able to rise over it. This week is new and I'm going to use it to reevaluate and examine myself in order to increase my understanding. Rant accomplished.
So that's the 'haps as for now. I've been spending a good bit of time by myself. I realize more and more everyday how much I have to step my Spanish game up. I think that the more I listen and observe that things are making more sense. I wish conversation was easier for me though...not that it isn't in general, but using a different language can really test someone's patience if you're not so adept of language. That's one thing that's been a downer for me. So many times I want to just get out there and converse with the world. I understand most accents and what not almost fluently. I get what's being said, but I'm not a quickdraw with speaking back. I believe that will come with time. I feel that it's a combination of everything that will help me get better with speech. Understanding the basis of a culture is one of the most key elements to learning its language. Nuria has stated this before in previous classes. I never doubted her statement of fact for a moment, but I will admit I took it for granted. I just have to open up more and more to be able to open up more in the future. I've still got time. I've started hitting the books..building my verb bank and relearning the grammar I've always had a hard time with. Alongside being in the culture where all this comes from, I understand how the language is implemented more and more. It makes more sense every thought I refer back to, slowly but surely. I've got to keep this mindset maintained. Lately, I've been feeling somewhat accomplished. I spend alot of time walking the city just listening to what's in my ears...the people, beats I haven't had the chance to listen to and what not. My music lately makes me feel like I have a personal soundtrack all the time. The mixtape is definitely coming along nicely as far as my track selection. I found the record spots here, found some dope stuff, but now to do the homework as to whether the prices are worth it or if I can find them elsewhere before I commit the euros to them. The conversions are not forgiving that's for sure, but yah...it's just money. The experience here is priceless. Slowly, I've become accustomed to where I'm at, but I want to become more a part of it and understand. It's not all good all the time, but I can say I'm better than I was before.
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